Most people think of “Movember” as a month dedicated to men’s health usually referring to physical health. But men’s mental health is under this umbrella, too, and it’s crucial to think of mental health as just as important as physical health. So this month, we’re dedicating November to Movember, and men’s mental health.
First, some quick statistics on men’s mental health:
And these are just some of the statistics. The biggest takeaway here, in my opinion, is that men, despite their suffering, are less likely to seek help for their mental illnesses/traumas. Why is that?
There are probably a couple reasons in general, but remember that each person’s journey is totally unique, and one story or situation can’t apply to all men. That being said, one major reason comes from the societal expectations of traditional gender norms (thinking of men as invulnerable, self-reliant, stoic, etc.) for men. And it doesn’t help that mental health care has been so incredibly stigmatized throughout history (I mean really, it’s only really been in the past generation that we’ve seen people be more open and honest about their mental wellbeing!!).
Let’s break down what these societal expectations might mean for men’s mental health.
Boys, from a really young age, have historically been told to “man up,” to “stop crying,” to “act like a man.” Saying these things to little boys automatically creates an idea that men aren’t allowed to show emotions that might revolve around sadness, hurt, or upset. And if we expect that, how do we allow boys to learn that they’re allowed to cry and be sad? If a boy or a man can’t show that they’re sad, confused, or hurt, how would they learn to share that they’re feeling depressed with out fear of being called out, just like when they were little and told that “boys don’t cry?”
Society as a whole has issues. That’s something most people can usually say with confidence. We’re really, truly doing a disservice to our boys and young men if we consistently tell them that they’re less of a man if they express their emotions— even happiness or excitement can be stigmatized. Really, anger is one of few emotions that has become acceptable to our society for men to demonstrate outright in public or in private: excitement can be portrayed as anger, sadness as anger, anger as anger. Anger has the potential, too, to become something more clinical and concerning, but if that’s the only way that emotions are allowed to be expressed, what else can one do?
Because we know men are less likely to seek mental health resources due to stigma and societal expectations, it’s up to us as advocates for mental health to vouch for men seeking services. Sometimes, because of the stigma, a man who is suffering from a mental health issue may not really even register that this is an issue they could get help with. So, start by showing that you care. That you love them and are worried, and remind them that you are there to support. Some might not respond well to this– but you’ve put the statement out there. You’ve tried to advocate for mental health, and it’s really about choosing the time and place to have this hard conversation. This website has excellent steps to take to really talk with men about mental health. The steps they listed include making an observation, sharing your personal experience, going outside to potentially walk/talk (depending on the person), recognize the difficult situation they might be in or feeling, and ask twice (for example, don’t just leave it at “I’m fine”). I encourage you to read what the website says in more detail.
Other resources that can be helpful for men include men’s groups, clinics dedicating to helping men, and online resources such as Heads Up Guys. It’s important to remember that there is nothing wrong with seeking help. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, or broken. It just means that we all have struggles, and sometimes we need more support than ourselves or loved ones.
And that’s more than okay.
So, to the men reading this, I encourage you to do an honest check-in with yourself. Are you really okay? If you’ve been dealing with something difficult, would it maybe be helpful to talk about it to someone (a loved one, a therapist, a friend)? And if you realize that maybe you do need more help, you don’t need to tell everyone. You are allowed to start by keeping it to yourself. You’re allowed to reach out to a therapist and not tell your best friend, because it is hard at first. With therapy, eventually you might want to share your feelings, to get the support that you need. The first step of getting help is always the hardest. After that, you’re not alone.
To others reading this who might want a man in their lives to feel better: be there for them. Show that you’re there. Ask the hard questions. Demonstrate your love for them, and have resources available should they want to use them.
If the stigma slowly reduces, and men begin to seek more help, we are looking at society as a whole bettering for the world. The little boys in our lives will have more freedom to share their feelings. The adult men in our lives will be able to be more open without fear. So continue to advocate for mental health help for men. Continue to support and care for, and utilize resources, because ultimately, we are all in this together, and we can all make a difference.
Some great resources for men’s mental health:
National Institute of Mental Health: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/men-and-mental-health
Man Therapy: https://mantherapy.org/ (this one uses humor. It’s awesome)
Harvard Health Publishing: https://www.health.harvard.edu/topics/mens-health
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