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New Year, New(?) Me



Ah, January. The New Year. A time of resolutions. For some, new gym memberships or dieting, or becoming more organized. For others, getting more sleep, or stopping smoking or drinking, or kicking that bad habit.


January is Mental Wellness Month, and it makes a lot of sense that this is at the start of the year, because this is when people often choose to start fresh. As soon as January 1 hits at midnight, we think the world is going to change. Our perspectives are going to change. Our habits are going to be easier to break. Maybe part of this mentality is that so in December, we can continue to indulge ourselves in the things we want to "fix" in January. Maybe it's because other people in January like to set similar goals. Maybe it's that "new year, new me" mentality that we like to sit in.


Maybe, starting fresh is January is kind of arbitrary.


The reality is, just because the clock strikes midnight, and it's 2024 instead of 2023 doesn't mean that our worlds will change automatically. Changing habits requires a lot of hard work and planning ahead-- beyond a flip of the calendar. And when we're excited to do something new or different, we often have unrealistic expecations for ourselves.



I'll be honest. I used to be a New Year's resolution kind of person-- I'd eat healthier, I'd work out in the mornings, I'd take a photo of something interesting in my life every day. After a couple days, or a month, or sometimes even two months, I'd realize I was burnt out of these resolutions because I hadn't really prepared for them or thought about what I wanted beyond the end result ("In December, I'll be 4 sizes smaller! I'll be vegan!", etc.). January turned into a time for me to set these unrealistic expectations that left me feeling defeated and honestly, sometimes ashamed.


I'd start to, after January 1, come up with excuses for my goals. For example, "I don't need to work out every morning. I'll just skip today. It's hard, and I'm tired." Then the next day would come, and I'd realize that I would make an excuse to skip that day, too. All I'd set up for myself was this idea of "I'll work out each morning!" without going much beyond that. My goals were unrealistic, not thought out, and a bit of a desperate attempt to change something in my life I wanted to change in the immediate moment.


Now, before I go futher, I want to say that New Year's resolutions can be awesome. When they're done thoughtfully and intentionally, I have heard of people changing their lives! What I want to argue, is it's how we're setting these goals, not that we're setting these goals. Goals are great, and they can really shape us to be who we want to be. So, how do we set something up for ourselves that's realistic?




In counseling, I often use SMART goals with clients. SMART goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. Let's say, for example, my goal is to save more money in 2024. Great! The problem is, this goal is very vague. How am I going to save more money? What does that look like? How much do I want to save, and by when? Let's make this goal into a SMART goal:


Specific: I want to save more money by taking 5% of my paycheck each pay period and putting it into a long term savings account that I set up.

Measurable: I'll be able to measure whether or not I'm consistently doing this by watching the bank account in my savings increase each pay period. I'll also use a money tracking app on my phone, as well as budget twice a month in Excel.

Attainable: I've done the math, and taking 5% of my paycheck out of my direct deposit fits into my current budget. I won't need to cut too many corners, or make too many drastic changes. My lifestyle will suit this, but I will need to spend less when it comes to eating out. That's something I'm willing to do .

Relevant: I want to save more money because I'd like to purchase a home in the next two years. This requires me to give up a luxury such as fast food every two days. I'm content with that.

Time-Bound: In the next six months, I'll have saved an approximate $____. For the end of the year, I'll have saved an approximate $_____.


There are some great SMART goal examples on this website.


Now, let's say you set a SMART goal, and it's going pretty well. All the way up until February, you've managed to keep it. Then, February 11th hits, and something happens. Something falters. You had an off day. This is the time for persevering. The reality is, we can make SMART goals all day long, but not every single moment will work the way we want it to. We will have problems sometimes. We won't always complete the goals the way we might imagine them. And that's okay! To move towards a goal is progress. To keep going after a bad day or a bad week or even a bad month is huge progress towards what you're wanting to change in your life.



This New Year, I want to encourage you to recognize that you are still you. You don't need to a be a new YOU be December 2024, but you can practice a new way to set goals and move towards what you're wanting and needing in life (I also want to just add in there, goals don't need to start in January!! You can set a SMART goal at ANY POINT IN TIME!). And, you don't need to do this by yourself. SMART goals (and setting up resolutions and goals in general!) can be great to do alongside a friend, or a family member, or even a therapist to help guide, encourage, and challenge. Your support system is there for you and your goals. It's there to help you and be there for you, as long as you continue to be there for you, too.


And finally, I want to state that if you don't want to set resolutions, there is no need for them! Like I said-- you can set new goals for yourself at any point in your life. You don't have to wait for January to enact change. Change and goal-setting are always doable with determination, realistic expectations, and support.


So this January, give yourself some grace. Recognize that if you set resolutions, they won't go perfectly. Maybe you the SMART goal method as a guide if you're wanting to change something in the New Year. And remember: you are strong, you are capable, and you can do this, no matter the tricky steps, faltering, and hard days.


Happy New Year.




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Our Mental Health

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