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    • Apr 1
    • 4 min read

Connecting With Your Kid



April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. It's a pretty heavy topic, so this month, I want to take our blog post to talk about how we can be there for kids' emotional mental health. It's a lot easier to be there for our kids' physical health-- do they have adequate shelter? Safety? Food and water? Checking these things off is crucial to a kid's health, and after that is done, we look to emotional health. Emotional health is related to how we feel and think. Emotional health for kids can look like showing a child that they are safe and heard. Kids with the emotional health and connection with a caregiver have room for questions and room for growth. They receive guidance for developing socially, academically, and cognitively.


Managing the emotional health of a kid will vary between kids, depend on their maturity level, age, and more. I'm going to focus on kids below 13 for the time being, but don't want to take away from the fact that teenagers need their emotional needs met just as much. So, how can we make sure we are there for our kids emotionally?


  1. Check in with your child. This is simple, but it can pack a big punch. Ask how school was (even if the answer is "fine," what's important is the effort is there). Ask how they're doing with their homework. Ask what they did at their friend's house during their last playdate. Pay attention to their reaction. Are they opening up? If not, that's okay. You as the adult are putting in the effort to be there for them, and over time, you will learn more and more about what the "right" questions are for them. Something my mom did for me when I was in kindergarten was ask about my favorite thing of the day during my after-school snack. Some days I didn't feel like talking, and had shorter answers, but lots of days, I liked the chance to just talk.

2. Pay attention to your child's interests. Whether it's Paw Patrol or Olivia Rodrigo's new album, making a note of what they're interested in is crucial to making them feel heard. If you have multiple kids (or grandkids), it can be hard to keep track of what each kid might be interested in, so there is nothing wrong with making quick notes in your phone about who may like what. Bring up their interest when it's just the two of you talking or hanging out. Who is their favorite character on PJ Masks? What's their favorite song on the Taylor Swift album? What vehicle do they usually choose on Mario Kart? Being specific about your questions shows that you care and listen to them.


3. Show your child that you're listening to them using active listening. Active listening is all in how you portray that you're listening. Looking at your child while they're talking, not interrupting, staying focused, and asking questions are all great ways to show your kid that you are actively participating in the conversation.

4. Spend at least 15 minutes a day with your child doing child-directed play. I'm stealing this idea from my supervisor, actually, because he's found it helpful for working with parents and kids. First of all, 15 minutes isn't very much of your day- it is quite literally only 1% of your day. 1%. That's it. Most people spend more time on their phones scrolling, so there is always time for 15 minutes of play with your child. And, play doesn't have to look exactly like "playing" (although it can). It can look like doing some coloring, talking about friends (especially if they're a bit older) and just listening, playing with legos, and more. It's whatever your kid wants to do within reason. Showing them that you are there for them and willing to participate in their world is helpful for kids to know that they have emotional support.

5. Talk to your kid when you're going somewhere instead of playing music and driving or walking quietly. If you have a ten minute drive to school, talk with them about their upcoming day. If you're taking them to the park, talk to them about what they're excited to play on. Show interest in the activity that you're taking them to or leading them to.



6. Go on a "date." This was also something my parents did when I was little. Every month or so, one parent would take me out to have one-on-one time together. Sometimes this involved getting "coffee" (hot chocolate for me), or going to see a movie. But it doesn't have to cost money. A date can be going for a walk, or coloring together at the park instead of inside. It can be getting a picnic blanket and reading a book. It can be a bike ride together. The goal is one-on-one child-parent time where the child knows that they are the center of your attention for an hour or two.


7. And finally, take care of yourself. This means self-care time for you as a parent or caregiver. It's impossible to be there for a child if you aren't there for yourself. If you're burnt out, you won't be able to connect emotionally with the child that you want to connect with. If this means a monthly spa trip, a daily 15 minute walk where you're alone to regroup, or something else entirely, take that time to yourself to gather your thoughts and energy. Kids pick up on whether or not you truly want to be involved in an activity or conversation, so we need to take care of ourselves to be fully present for our kids.


Good luck connecting!


 


Here are resources and citations on the subject above:


Active listening:


Child-Directed Play:


Emotional Health:

Deal: What is emotional health?. Samaritans. (n.d.). https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/schools/deal/deal-resources/emotional-health/emotional-health/#:~:text=Emotional%20health%20is%20about%20how,happy%20all%20of%20the%20time.


Self-care for parents:



JB

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