Self-care. It's become a bit of a buzzword in the past four or so years. We hear people preach "self-care" and the need for it. The problem is, self-care is often misunderstood. We seem to talk about self-care as this easy thing that everyone can do without hassle or stress.
For some people, self-care doesn't come all that easily (which, by the way, is okay!!).
This Mental Health Awareness Month, we're drawing attention to what self-care really is, and some realistic ways to practice it.
Self-care, according to an analysis done by Martinez et. al in an article entitled "Self-care: A concept analysis" defines it as "the ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being" (2021). This definition, though in this article's context focuses on a physical healthcare perspective, also applies to mental health care. For one, we need to be aware of ourselves and our needs, including what self-care may look like individually. We also need to exhibit self-control as we apply self-care techniques in our lives (including what we don't engage in that would contradict self-care), And, we need some aspect of self-reliance, as only we can determine what we need for ourselves in self-care, and it's our job to implement that thing.
I've found that for myself, it can be hardest to actually know when I need to engage in self-care techniques. Ideally, we'd do some form of self-care everyday, but when that doesn't feel possible in the moment, I suggest starting slow. Once or twice a week, even, for those who have never used self-care as means to feel better mentally. Oftentimes we don't realize we need to be engaging in self-care until we're so burnt out, even doing something small for ourselves feels overwhelming. At this point, I usually recommend a 10-15 minute walk outside, a bubble bath, or allowing yourself a 30 minute TV show. All of these things, if done with the intention of self-care, are indeed self-care techniques. The goal of self-care is to do something for yourself that can be rejuvenating and give you the energy you need to continue on. Sometimes, even a 20 minute nap in the middle of the day can be self-care, because it allows you time specific to yourself and your needs.
Where self-control comes in for self-care can be a little more complicated. For example, self-care isn't doing absolutely nothing for three weeks in a row when you might have responsibilities (excluding planned vacations, hospitalizations, etc.). Taking three weeks "off" of life when there're obligations that you've agreed to at work or house to at least partially clean will make returning to "regular" life and necessary tasks more daunting. That's where self-control comes in, because I've found that some people see self-care as an all-or-nothing technique. In reality, self-care, like anything, is only truly self-care when done purposefully. The purpose behind self-care is to give yourself a bit of a mental break to enjoy the present moment; it's not something to be used to ignore reality.
As for self-reliance, only we can really implement self-care in our own lives. We can't be forced to do it, despite what some people might think. As a therapist, when I recommend self-care, I'm not forcing anyone to engage in it, but I am recommending it because I believe it's what everyone needs, no matter their history or background. But, just like any recommendation, people can choose to ignore it. We have to rely on ourselves to give ourselves the break we need and recognize when we need it-- which, I'll admit, can be easier said than done. Some forms of self-reliance when it comes to self-care can include admitting to yourself that you need a bit of a break, and taking it into your own hands to implement it, rather than blaming your work/schooling/family.
I've found one element that I personally struggle with when it comes to self-care is not always being able to "complete" tasks before I take a break. When I was in high school, I took a lot of high intensity classes, leading to burn out every single time I had a vacation (like Christmas break or spring break). Inevitably, I would get sick each break because my body finally got to rest and catch up because I'd been pushing myself so hard. You might think I would learn, but these habits got so bad that when I was in undergrad that I wouldn't even allow myself a water break until I had completed the assignment at hand. This is NOT recommended. It took a toll on my mental health, and it almost made me train myself that I couldn't even get my basic needs met (like thirst) until I'd completed what I was assigned. And let me be clear: meeting your own basic needs is not where self-care ends, although it is important that these needs are met. In some ways, self-care starts at basic needs. For example, if you're hungry, going for a walk to decompress isn't going to be beneficial.
What I recommend, if you're like how I used to be, is to schedule self-care. Schedule those breaks into your day, because self-care is often overlooked. I used to think of self-care as something I'd do when I had time. The problem was, I never had the time (maybe I did, but I figured that I had something more important to do).
Self-care is just as important as completing your task or assignment. It's just as important as your job or your homework. We need self-care and rest in order to do the things that we need to do effectively. If we're constantly completing tasks while feeling burnt out, we're not functioning at our best. Our mental health will be impacted, meaning that our physical health may decline, our rates of depression and anxiety may increase, and our feelings of burn-out may feel like they're taking over, leading to a crash.
These days, everyone tends to have a very, very packed schedule. Whether you have kids, a time-consuming job, family stress, all of the above and/or more, we live in a highly demanding society. Here are some recommendations to try and begin incorporating self-care into your life, as someone who had to learn the hard way that self-care is crucial to mental and physical health:
1. Schedule your breaks!! I can't talk about this enough. Schedule 20 minutes a day for yourself. Journal, go for a walk, watch a TV show, draw, paint, take a long shower, take a bath, call a family member that you trust. Do something that is for you that will serve you. Require of yourself that this be you time. Maybe it's after your kids go to bed at night. Maybe it's first thing in the morning. Maybe it's mid-day when you're on your lunch break at work. But, let it be your time.
2. Remember that self-care doesn't have to be complicated. It can be a podcast that you enjoy. It can be painting your nails. It can be going out and buying a coffee, or making one at home for yourself. It can be talking for 10 minutes on the phone with a loved one, reading 5 pages in a book. It can be going for a 30 minute drive to wind down, making a healthy meal, going to bed on time (or even taking a nap).
3. Say "no" to things if it will impede on your ability to engage in self-care. I know that people-pleasing can be a hard thing to give up, but when it comes to self-care, we have to sometimes put our needs first so that we can truly be there for ourselves and everyone else in our lives with our full energy. Say no to tasks that feel too overwhelming or daunting. Allow yourself forgiveness and grace if someone is disappointed at the fact that you've said no to something. It's okay to prioritize your need to care for yourself.
4. Set boundaries with others, and also with yourself. Setting boundaries with others can look like saying "no" (see above), setting time limits, and stating your needs while giving yourself grace. Setting boundaries with yourself can look like ensuring that you are scheduling you-time and sticking to your schedule. It can look like keeping yourself accountable for taking time for self-care, while making sure that you're practicing self-control.
5. If you're not sure where to start, or self-care feels overwhelming, talk to a counselor. They can help you figure out what's keeping you from engaging in self-care, and work with you to figure out what might suit you best to help guide you into a more consistent practice of taking care of your mental and physical health daily.
6. And finally, do some research on different of self-care techniques. Find one that works for you, and start implementing it this week. Start small if you have to-- a 5 minute midday meditation on YouTube, for example, and slowly work your way up to 30 minutes a day, or a weekend day dedicated to time to rejuvenate and recover from a stressful week.
I know from experience it's not easy to implement self-care in a busy life, but I also know that it's ultimately worth it. It takes time to become comfortable in taking care of yourself, and it's okay that it can take time. Enjoy your self-care journey.
References
Martínez, N., Connelly, C. D., Pérez, A., & Calero, P. (2021, September 5). Self-care: A concept analysis. International journal of nursing sciences. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8488814/
JB
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