You've decided to take the step and get help. Now what?
So, you’ve done it. You’ve decided to put yourself out there, and seek the help you need. Maybe you’ve been struggling with depression or anxiety. Maybe you just need an outside perspective. Maybe you’re having issues in a relationship. But you’re ready to get that help, so you find a therapist who is taking clients.
But, what if you’ve never done therapy before? How are you supposed to know what to ask a therapist? What are their ideas or goals? Or even their style of work? These are all important things to consider when you’re going into therapy so that you can get the help that you need.
As a therapist myself, here are some important things that I would recommend asking a therapist at your first session. These are things that I have asked my therapist, have been asked by clients, or have thought would be great questions to ask for next time I get around to it!
1. What kind of therapy do you do?
This refers to the modality or therapy techniques that the therapist uses. For example, some use cognitive behavioral therapy. Others focus on psychodynamic techniques. Lots use an integrated sort of method, combining all sorts of techniques to find out what works best for each individual. You might not know what technique or modality you’re wanting out of therapy, and that’s okay! But, when a therapist answers, it can give you a little more insight into what therapy with that person might look like. I’d recommend doing your own reading into what modality they discuss, and whether you feel that could be a good fit. And even if you aren’t sure, it is more than okay to give it a try.
2. Are you comfortable working with ___?
I know. This almost feels a little bit confrontational, but you’re allowed to know whether your therapist works with your population/issue! For example, not all therapists work with Borderline Personality Disorder, and if that’s what you’re seeking help for, it’s okay to ask if that’s something they specialize in or work with. Therapists genuinely want you to get the help that you need.
3. Do you have any referrals? Are there other therapists you would recommend that do work with my issue/population/demographic?
Let’s say you find out this therapist you’ve just contacted for your teenage son doesn’t work with minors. Asking if they have any recommendations or referrals is more than okay, and hopefully they will be happy to share names or numbers with you. A therapist isn’t going to be offended that you don’t want to work with them because they won’t supply what you need.
4. Have you ever had therapy?
If your therapist hasn’t done personal therapy, this is a red flag. Therapists need therapy just as much as anyone else, and so it’s very important to know if your therapist has put in the work that’s needed on themselves emotionally to work with others on a deep level. You can’t pour from an empty cup, even as a trained therapist.
5. What is your degree/qualification?
Hopefully, this is something listed on the therapist’s website or page you found them on. But if not, it’s okay to ask. These days, there are a lot of people claiming to do the work of a therapist, when in reality they don’t have the degrees to go along with it. A therapist should have a Master’s degree at minimum (or be working towards one and currently in their internship). “Life coaches” are often not therapists. Some may be beneficial, but they will not be able to treat mental health the same way a licensed clinician can.
6. What are your expectations of me (homework, attending sessions, how often meeting, etc.)?
I recommend this one because it’s important to recognize that a therapist cannot solve your problems. Therapists are there to help guide you along the path of recovery. They cannot fix everything. They can offer suggestions, help you change your frame of thinking, or certain behaviors. But they can’t “fix” you. Some therapists assign “homework” for their clients to do. Sometimes this is a worksheet focused on emotional health. Some therapists ask a client to do one method of self-care after therapy. Know that most therapists suggest practicing things learned in therapy once you’ve left the therapy space, and that’s okay.
7. Do you take my insurance? What are your fees?
Some therapists take insurance, and some don’t. Some will offer a super bill at the end of the month that you can submit to your insurance. It’s important to be proactive in terms of knowing what could be covered for you. And, if that therapist doesn’t accept your insurance (or you’re not sure if there’s a copay, etc.!), expect that payment is necessary. Therapists are great help, but they also have a job to do and payments to make. Finding out their fees is an important question to ask to know if you can make the commitment to therapy. And, if their fees are steep, can the therapist work with you to make something happen? If they can’t, ask for a referral.
Now, these are just seven of many, many questions you’re allowed to ask a potential therapist. But, in my opinion as a therapist, these are the most important ones (subjectively, I know). Other questions that you might consider would be regarding late cancellations, supervision that the therapist might be under, the therapist’s specialities, and what they like about being a therapist. There are unlimited conversations to be had, but the seven questions above can really supply you with some answers regarding whether therapy with this person would be a good fit. And remember, it’s okay if you don’t think it would be! Finding a therapist that you like and fits with who you are can be kind of like shopping: you have to find what is best for you and the stage you are in.
JB
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